Thoughts on Unfinished Things
Aug. 25th, 2017 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maplemoodLast week I started working on an original short story, and yesterday I quit working on it. Not that what I'd written was bad--they're a few parts that I happen to like a lot--but there just wasn't enough there to keep it going. Spark, heart, whatever you want to call it. For that reason I'm not upset that I abandoned it...I'm more upset with myself, because I know why I tried to write something I didn't even want to write in the first place: as much as I love writing fanfic, I never feel like it's enough. I really wish I did.
I wrote and posted my first piece of fanfic this April (or maybe this March). Before that, I'd been struggling with my writing for a good year. I wasn't writing what I wanted to be writing, and therefore I wasn't finishing anything I tried to write, let alone enjoying it. I knew I wanted to write fanfic, but convinced myself I didn't because I also wanted to be a professional writer and if I wanted to be a professional writer I needed to focus on writing original stuff and getting it published. Then, around April or March, I hit rock bottom, read the chapter in Big Magic where Elizabeth Gilbert tells you to get out there and do whatever the heck you want. I decided to do whatever the heck I wanted.
The thing is, I still absolutely believe I made the right decision. Writing fanfic has made me a better writer. It's helped me meet some wonderful people. It's made me love writing again, and it's something I want to keep on doing for the rest of my life. But good grief, I can't shake the feeling that it's not what I "should" be writing. I have published a few original short stories, which is wonderful, but every time I look at the list and see that my last story went up in 2016 (which isn't even that long ago) all I feel is anxiety. I need to be producing more of this stuff. I need to "build a platform" as an original writer. I need to--
Yeah. It goes on like that for a while.
I used to write original short stories. I don't want to anymore. At least not now. It's all very simple, and I know that doesn't make me a bad writer, but I feel like it does.
Welp, this turned out to be less "Thoughts on Unfinished Things" and more "Thoughts on My All-Consuming Anxiety", which I'm sure will be an uplifting and compelling read. Ugh. But it's out of my head now, at least for a little while, and that can only be a good thing.
I wrote and posted my first piece of fanfic this April (or maybe this March). Before that, I'd been struggling with my writing for a good year. I wasn't writing what I wanted to be writing, and therefore I wasn't finishing anything I tried to write, let alone enjoying it. I knew I wanted to write fanfic, but convinced myself I didn't because I also wanted to be a professional writer and if I wanted to be a professional writer I needed to focus on writing original stuff and getting it published. Then, around April or March, I hit rock bottom, read the chapter in Big Magic where Elizabeth Gilbert tells you to get out there and do whatever the heck you want. I decided to do whatever the heck I wanted.
The thing is, I still absolutely believe I made the right decision. Writing fanfic has made me a better writer. It's helped me meet some wonderful people. It's made me love writing again, and it's something I want to keep on doing for the rest of my life. But good grief, I can't shake the feeling that it's not what I "should" be writing. I have published a few original short stories, which is wonderful, but every time I look at the list and see that my last story went up in 2016 (which isn't even that long ago) all I feel is anxiety. I need to be producing more of this stuff. I need to "build a platform" as an original writer. I need to--
Yeah. It goes on like that for a while.
I used to write original short stories. I don't want to anymore. At least not now. It's all very simple, and I know that doesn't make me a bad writer, but I feel like it does.
Welp, this turned out to be less "Thoughts on Unfinished Things" and more "Thoughts on My All-Consuming Anxiety", which I'm sure will be an uplifting and compelling read. Ugh. But it's out of my head now, at least for a little while, and that can only be a good thing.
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Date: 2017-08-28 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-29 03:09 am (UTC)